The importance of letting go
by kallystone
Summary: As Lord Vader says farewell, Obi-Wan reunites with an old friend. One-Shot. Vader/Padme. Obi-Wan/Ahsoka.


Padme's vault was splendid. All light marble, covered in flowers and greenery, the soft evening light falling on her stone face.

Vader had not dared to come back to Naboo until now. His grief was too powerful, as well as his guilt. The burden of his failure still gnawed at his mind even a decade later, though the Dark Side helped him processing it into anger. Anger was familiar, had always been. Anger gave him a reason to cling to existence, despite the awfulness of his current life. Crush your ennemies, destroy their homelands, their loved ones. Leave only ashes behind you. Crush the remaining Jedi, those filthy traitors, though there weren't much leftovers anyway (he made sure of that). Crush Obi-Wan Kenobi, the one who set you on fire and walked away ( _Someday_ ). Crush Palpatine, the one who promised you the power to save a life and instead turned yours into a redundant murder sequence ( _Someday, too_ ).

The life he couldn't save was lying quietly in front of him. She seemed peaceful, or at least her marble self was. Was this mere statue faithful to her beauty? Vader tried to remember Padme's facial features. Brown curls, brown eyes. Soft, flawless skin. Luminous smile. To him she was the most beautiful creature in the world, but it wasn't fair to only honor her looks. She was a warm and fair person, always trying to do what would benefit the most vulnerable people during her Senator career, never thinking about her own gain. She was the opposite of selfish, really. _Unlike me._

 _Whatever. It doesn't matter now_.

Something exploded in the distance. Vader moved toward the entrance of the shrine and peeked outside.

Theed was on fire. The Emperor had finally decided to deal with his renegade homeplanet. Had sent Vader and an army of stormtroopers to take control of the capital. Probably to spite him, and Vader really hated this man. _No prisoners_ , he had told his lieutenant back aboard the _Executor_ , and so they didn't make any prisoners. But as the buildings were crumbling down, Vader couldn't resist the urge to pay a visit to his late wife.

Now was time to say goodbye.

He never had the opportunity before.

"Padme." His hand touched the stone cheek. "Padme I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The lump in his throat surprised him. What remained of his flesh body, he ignored it most of the time. "If only—"

What ? If only what ? She had lived ? He knew— even if admitting it felt like betrayal all over again— that she wouldn't have stayed by his side.

"Forgive me if you can."

There was nothing more to say. She was dead, just like their child, and thus forever beyond his reach. Only the Force remained, was a part of him since birth and, contrary to every mortal he knew and loved, had never abandoned him.

His salvation, if he ever had one, would come from the Force.

Vader turned away, his cape billowing around him, and left without a second glance.

* * *

Ahsoka had grown. She was as tall as himself now, and her eyes no longer harbored the mischevious twinkle of her teenage years.

Her smile though, remained the same.

"Master Kenobi !"

Their embrace lasted at least one minute, as apparently neither wanted to break apart. For the first time in what seemed an eternity, Obi-Wan was glad. "It's been a long time, Ahsoka."

"Indeed, _old_ friend." She was beaming. "You have no idea how happy I was when I learned that you were my contact. I won't stay long unfortunately—"

"It's an important mission, I know." She followed him inside. "I knew you didn't die, y'know ? It's been more than a decade now. Why have you never tried to contact me ?" There was a clear reproach in her otherwise light tone.

"You know Ahsoka ," he sighed "I've lived in almost full isolation since the fall of the Republic. Had to hide from our dear Emperor. Even now it's too dangerous for me to tell you where I truly live."

"And what about Vader ?"

"So, what about him ?"

His tone turned to ice in a millisecond. Ahsoka stared at him, trying to decipher his tought. As they sit across the small table of Obi-Wan's rented room, she made another attempt.

"Don't you hide from him as well ? And yes I know who he is, Obi-Wan. I know."

"Then you probably know that I'd rather not discuss Vader's case if I can avoid it."

"Please," her eyes were imploring as she reached out and took his hands "I need to know what happened. I know you were there, _please Obi-Wan_ —"

"Don't ask me Ahsoka" she opened her mouth to protest but the distraught look in his eyes stopped her "I can't— I've tried—" A decade ago. The pain was still there. _What kind of a Jedi was he_ ?

She backed down "I'm sorry…I should know better."

A moment of silence.

"Just tell me all about this map of the Imperial Embassy you've got for me."

* * *

Ahsoka stayed for dinner. When it was time for her to leave, Obi-Wan gave her the device he had kept for her mission, and something else.

Her eyes brightened. She couldn't help smiling. _Good_.

"Where did you get that ?"

"A friend gave it to me a few years ago. He told me he found it while rummaging a shady old shop. I don't know why he thought that'd be a good idea." He frowned.

She laughed. "You expression hasn't changed."

It was an holoportrait of Anakin, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka during the Clone Wars. They were in full armour and ten years younger. Ahsoka was making a face at Anakin, while Anakin was grinning and waving at whoever took the picture.

"Take it" he said gently. She hesitated.

"You sure you don't want to keep it ?"

He shook his head. "I know you still have fondness for him Ahsoka." For some reason he wanted Anakin's memory to be remembered, to be _cherished_ , by someone who still loved him. He knew he couldn't be that person.

"You left before Anakin turned to the Dark Side. So your affection for him is more or less intact. Mine faded a long time ago. When I look at him—" He glanced down to Anakin's delighted face "I can't feel anything but bitterness. And guilt" _Devouring guilt_.

Ahsoka moved forward and squeezed his arms. She looked sad but determined.

"You couldn't have known, no one could. I _still_ have a hard time believeing it. It wasn't you fault Obi-Wan" Was it ? Where was he that fateful day ? _Where were you why weren 't you there why weren't you with him you could have prevented it you could_ —

No. Stop it. He admonished himself. It was more than time to let go. Wasn't mourning for a decade enough ? Extinct Jedi Order or not, he still had responsibilities, so many counted on him, even now. He thought of Luke, young and tanned by the twin suns, blond and blue-eyed like his father, and sighed. "I know".

 _You can't take responsibility for Ahsoka's decision, Anakin._ So long ago. He should follow his own advice.

It was late. Ahsoka slipped the portrait in her left inner pocket, and the spying device in her bag. Then she hugged Obi-Wan tightly."Goodbye, master Kenobi. The Force is still with you."

He chuckled "That is not the exactly the right mantra."

"It doesn't matter, I'm no Jedi after all" She grinned at him."But it's true! I can feel the Force swirling around you. It's as radiant as I remember."


End file.
